Turn on, tune off, drop out

In a timely piece of back page editing Newsweek publishes 8 suggestions for breaking the Internet. Given my recent frustrations with Google I say, "bring it down, baby". It is the Matrix predicted that would enslave us all, a videodrome narcotic evolved to subdue our idle noggins. Unplug, unplug...

Millions of miles of terrestrial and undersea cables connect computer networks worldwide. These are the weak links—and your best shot at bringing down the Web.

TAKE UP FISHING

NETS pulling up undersea cables are the single biggest cause of Internet breakages. (Make it look like an accident.)

GRAB A HACKSAW

FOLLOW the lead of vandals near Santa Clara, Calif., who cut through underground fiber-optic wires, halting all service to the area.

PRAY FOR AN UNDERWATER EARTHQUAKE

PREFERABLY, a repeat of the quake that took down cables carrying 75 percent of Internet traffic between Europe and the Middle East last December.

BECOME THE HEAD OF ICANN

ONCE in charge of the Internet Corporation for Assigned Names and Numbers—the organization that coordinates the global system of IP addresses—you can redirect traffic at will.

BREAK INTO AN INTERNET DATA CENTER

THERE are thousands of centers housing computer servers in the United States alone. Take your pick and get mischievous.

SABOTAGE A FEW BOATS

INTERNET providers like Verizon lease fleets equipped to locate and repair broken cables. Stop the ships and you stop the fix.

WAIT 29 YEARS

ON Jan. 19, 2038, the internal clock for Unix, the operating system for many servers, will overflow, Y2K style. Big meltdown or big letdown? Only time will tell.

TRAIN SHARKS

THE stealthy sea creatures have been known to gnaw through a few cables.